Three months now since she’s been gone. I have more than enough to fill my days with the sorting and the clearing out. It’s over whelming at times, stressful, emotionally draining sorting through a beloved mother’s life that had been well lived for so long. There are drawers and boxes and cabinets filled with memories, Momma’s memories of our family, of my siblings. There have been times I’ve had to stop because it was too much for my grieving heart to handled. I would reach the end of my emotional strength and walk away. But there have also been times when I have been pleasantly surprised at what pieces of childhood art she thought worthy of preserving. All of our birthday and Mother's Day cards to her our letters written over the years in our childish scribbled handwriting. Sorting through them filled my heart at how much she loved us and cherished our love for her.
A few days ago I found a bag tucked in the corner of her closet. It contained an unmarked gift box that when I opened it made me laugh out loud with delight. In it was a set of Christmas angel ornaments, Black angels, the kind I collect. Momma had remember and bought them for me. In that moment, it felt as if she had handed me a gift, a personal gift from herself just for me. My eyes filled with the tears I had not been able to release since she had passed but my heart was filled with love for my mother whose love reached out past that inevitable human separation that is death to fill me with a strength that only being loved so completely can give. The strength to take her place, to carry on her legacy and to care for the family she loved more than life. Her love filled me with the strength to go on without her.
Today's word was Fill.