I Love You, Mom

When I think of May I always think of two things: Spring and Mother’s Day. When we finally make it to May First, I always feel like my heart and soul gives a great long sigh which says, “We made it! It’s finally Spring, again.”  The grass turns a little greener, the blue, yellow and white iris in my yard make a wonderful and all too brief showing and the rains come.  I don’t mind spring rain. It seems right somehow washing clean the air and encouraging everything to grow. I love Spring.

I also love my mom. Her name is Crystal and although her birthday is at the end of March, she’s most on my mind in May because of Mother’s day. We honor our mothers in May and thank them for all they’ve done for us and been to us throughout our lives. It is a good thing to do. Every day of my life I am aware of how much my mother impacted my life. When I wake up in the morning one of the first things I do is raise the shades and open the curtains which is the morning ritual in my parents’ home to this day. Which ever one is up first, Momma or Daddy, they let the light in. Daddy always opens the front door as well while Momma goes through to the family room at the back of the house and opens that door. To let the house ‘air out’ she always says.

Mom, Jo, Dad

Everyone always says I sounded like my mom on the phone and in my younger days, the older folks in the family would look at me funny when I show up at family reunions or other family gatherings. I could see them frowning, mentally counting the years in their minds so I would go over to them, smile and say, ‘I’m not Crystal. I’m her oldest girl, Cassandra.” The frowns would turn into smiles and they would hug me tight and exclaim, “Baby, you look just like your momma!” We’d all laugh and I counted it as a compliment because my mom is very pretty although she’s very petite and I’m much taller than she is. I understood that I ‘favored’ my mother, but it wasn't until a few weeks ago when I caught sight of myself in a mirror that I realized that in my later years, I do look just like my mother did when she was my age. It brought a lump to my throat and tears to my eye because my mom has developed dementia over the last few years and even though she’s still with us, it’s limited. She’s still at home with my dad in Michigan and with the help of my sister Jo, and the support system of their church and friends, she’s happy and well taken care of.

Because of the dementia and the short term memory loss Mom and I are not able to have the deep conversations we used to have and I miss that.  Recently, I’ve been having dreams where she and I are having the conversations that we used to have on the phone. I see her still strong and healthy and with her full abilities in tact. We discuss what’s going on in my life and she helps me to work things out. When I wake from these dreams I always try to call her just so I can hear her voice, maybe make sure that her being still here is not also a dream. It comforts me. 

I’ve also had dreams where Momma reminds of the things that I’m supposed to be doing.  This week I dreamed that I heard some one in the kitchen and when I went in to check, my mom was just finishing up washing some dishes I had left in the sink overnight. She good-naturedly fussed at me about how she had taught me better the proper way to clean up a kitchen and I woke up smiling. I then got up and went directly to the kitchen to wash up the dishes I had left in the sink the night before, smiling all the time. I love my mom and in her way, I know she is still keeping track of me and still teaching me. I give God praise for that.

So Momma, even though you won’t remember, I want to say, “Happy Mother’s Day and I love you, very, very much.” I wouldn't be who I am without you and I love and thank you for the woman you've helped me to become.

Happy Mother's Day to all the Moms, Grandmas, PlayMoms, Church Moms, Office Moms - you know who you are! Would love to hear about the Moms in your life and how they helped shape you into the person you are today. Tell us about your Mom.

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